or the poet
or the guitarist
or the singer
or the student
or the friend
or the whomever?
or the anything. 

lacking faith.

for the past two months or so i’ve constantly felt this tugging in me that keeps saying, “God calls us to be diligent.  Be diligent.” and i keep trying to stress that and learn that in my life; that as a student, daughter, friend, whatever i am to anybody or anything, i am called to strive for excellence for His glory. i think i’ve learned that i’m a perfectionist, but it’s really frustrating when i feel failure from attaining the most realistic daily goals. and these aren’t goals of doing more than i need, they’re just goals of finishing what i have to for the day.  it doesn’t make much sense how much i want something but end up not doing it. i always question myself in how i fall so short.

i looked up “God calls us to be diligent,” because i didn’t understand what it meant anymore after a month of it playing in my head. it wasn’t making much sense anymore since i felt like i just don’t know how to display dedication through my efforts to the extent that i truly desire to, to anybody or anything. and i read a testimony that talked about diligence in a different perspective from the way i was seeing it: be diligent to prove that you are in Christ.

2 Peter 1:10

Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, (NIV)

So, dear brothers and sisters, work hard to prove that you really are among those God has called and chosen. Do these things, and you will never fall away. (NLT)

So, friends, confirm God’s invitation to you, his choice of you. Don’t put it off; do it now. Do this, and you’ll have your life on a firm footing, the streets paved and the way wide open into the eternal kingdom of our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ. (MSG)

My disappointments do not erase who I am or who I was always meant to be, and that is a daughter of God, for “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).  I have a responsibility to be diligent in declaring myself in Christ, and if my failures and lack of diligence in other areas becomes the reason to disremember that, I have completely failed to be diligent at all.  This isn’t to say that I sit here and say, “God is good!” and wait for achievements to fall from the sky.  It’s just that as I go forth in my life, and continue to keep faith that all I do in my truest, best efforts (which may not be as great as those in my head) will be used for a greater purpose, the successes I was meant to achieve will be the things that fall into my hands and into my life.

By God’s grace,

Keeping faith.

Matthew 6:33

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (NIV)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (NLT)

Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. (MSG)